|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
|A Rose By Any Name
Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? Send a letter to the editor.|
|Marvin Richardson, running for Larry Craig’s cherished Idaho Republican senate seat (not to be confused with his cherished Minnesota toilet seat), will appear on the ballot under his new legal name: Pro-Life.
Pro-Life’s bold move represents an exciting new departure in politics. Henceforth politicians will sport their beliefs as legal names or, as John Kerry might put it, their political raisons d’etre as noms de guerrre. This will make it much easier for voters, especially Floridians. No more ballots choked with confusing generic names like George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. The new transparency will benefit the political system and hence all of humankind.
The Democrats would never have nominated Al Bore, much less John L’Effete four years later. Nor would a woman named “It’s my party and I can cry if I want to” still be in the running for the Democratic presidential nomination.
The possibilities for John McCain abound. “La Bomba”? “Got Ire, I Ran, Let’s Bomb Iran”? “When I Was Sixty-Four”? Perhaps just printing his picture on the ballot would tell voters all they need to know.
Elliot Spitzer’s landslide win in New York would have gone the other way entirely had his name truly reflected what was on his mind: Bone ‘n Head.
Would there be thirty-five thousand (and counting) U.S. Iraq casualties if Dick Cheney had run as “Go Fuck Yourself”? Or the more printable but equally revealing “So”? As for his running mate, even the Rehnquist court might have drawn the line at handing the presidency to “Duh”.
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A NOTE TO READERS
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming. No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2008
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|A Hill Not Worth Climbing|
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|VOL. IV, No. 16|