|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
|The Commander in Chief Test
Thursday, March 13th, 2008
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? Send a letter to the editor.|
|“Unlike Senator Obama, Senator Clinton has passed the Commander in Chief test.” Howard Wolfson, Clinton campaign spokesman.
By means we cannot divulge, the Nossiter Net has obtained the very Commander in Chief test taken by Senator Clinton, published here together with Ms. Clinton’s own answers as a public service.
1. What color dinner jacket is correct for a white tie State Banquet at the White House? Bright yellow.
2. When visiting our Middle Eastern allies, which hand must be used for eating with? Eeewww, yuck.
3. What is the name of the tune traditionally played to announce the Commander in Chief? Name the composer for bonus marks. Arrival of the Queen of Sheba, by Handel. From now on.
4. What must the Commander in Chief never tell, and why? The truth. Because it hurts.
5. What must the Commander in Chief tell instead? Lies. Duh.
6. Assuming you answered question 5 correctly, are you prepared to do that? Of course, stupid. I’ve lived with lies for so long I can’t tell them from the truth anyway.
7. When crossed, is it better to get mad, or get even? Neither. You just kill whoever crossed you.
8. What term was current in the Nixon White House for the treatment of presidential enemies? Ratfucking.
9. Assuming you answered question 8 correctly, are you prepared to do that? Duh. How do you think I got where I am today?
10. Who in your view was the greatest of your predecessors? Lucretia Borgia.
Ms. Clinton scored a perfect ten out of ten. The official administrator of the Commander in Chief test has not been heard from since.
* * * * *
A NOTE TO READERS
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming. No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2008
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