The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
Democrats believe that in the privacy of bedrooms, anything goes. Republicans feel the same way about men’s rooms.
Democrats say children deserve an education, housing, and health insurance. On those issues Republicans say screw children; those of the Mark Foley type actually do so.
Democrats call on girls to run for office. Republicans call call girls.
Democrats believe women should enjoy reproductive rights. Republicans don’t much care about women, but they do believe men should enjoy other men.
Democrats read the bible metaphorically and symbolically. Republicans read the bible literally and practically, especially the bits about Sodom and Gomorrah.
Democrats bend over backwards to accommodate opposing views. Republicans bend over backward.
Democrats think grabbing one’s ankles is the introduction to a session of calisthenics. Republicans think it’s an introduction.
Call a Democrat an ass-hole and you’ll have a fight. Call a Republican an ass-hole and you’ll have a date.
Democrats swear by all that’s holy. So do the Republicans, but they spell it ‘holey.’
Democrats value judicial reviews. Republicans value judicious rear views.
Democrats believe in the uses of ever more diversity to facilitate public discourse. Republicans believe in ever more diverse uses of public facilities.
Democrats find eau de toilette romantic. Republicans find romance in toilets.
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A NOTE TO READERS
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming. No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2007
