|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
Monday, January 21st, 2008
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? Send a letter to the editor.|
|The Saudi government has decided to let women stay in hotels – all by themselves. What next? Women allowed to appear in public without a babysitter? Drive their own cars? Choose their own clothing? The Saudis have started down a slippery slope.
Look at us, a country riven by social problems and racial debates and gender battles. If we’d only elected Strom Thurmond for president, as Trent Lott so justly remarked, we wouldn’t be having all these problems. Under President Thurmond each would have known her, or in the case of non-white non-Christian non-middle-class males his, place. Any strays would have been dealt with right quick. Result: no problems. That’s exactly the kind of society the Saudis have created, a little chunk of heaven on earth. Now they’re in danger of blowing it. It takes only a few ill-conceived laws to go from birka bound to bra burner, and if the Saudis aren’t careful they’ll find themselves facing the specter of a homemade Hillary.
Just imagine if the rest of the world followed the Saudi example. The Mideast crisis, that endless round of bloody exchanges between Arab and Jew, instantly resolved by the simple expedient of eliminating all the Jews. The Muslim slaughter of the Christians in Darfur, ended promptly: No Christians allowed. Even the lingering tension between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland would vanish. They’d all be Muslims, or dead.
All the resource battles being waged across Africa, those sanguinary dust ups over diamonds, gold, oil, and minerals? A thing of the past. The Saudi royal family would control all the natural resources, just like they do at home. The spoils would be judiciously doled out to family and friends and like-minded souls, provided they pray five times a day and do their drinking in private. There’s no arguing ownership rights with defenders of the faith and guardians of the sacred spots. Hand it all over to the House of Saud and there’d be no more crazed revolutionaries dispatching children into war, no more poverty, misery, famine and discontent. Certainly not for the Saud family and friends.
Down on the subcontinent, the Indians have just completed a 2,500 mile wall to seal out the Bangladeshis. It cost them billions, and under Saudi rules it wouldn’t have been necessary at all. The destitute citizens of Bangladesh flood into poor but vastly more prosperous India in search of jobs. If the subcontinentals followed the Saudi example, jobs would be doled out by the Saud family, no questions asked, and everybody would either be satisfied or lose a limb.
People the world over would stop wasting their time drinking wine, viewing art, listening to music, debating politics, history, and philosophy. All would be strictly forbidden, just like back home in Jeddah. Any void thereby created in people’s lives would be filled with healthful prayer. And who would want to read the novels of Rushdie when he (she wouldn’t know how to read) has a convenient volume of non-satanic verses everywhere to hand?
As for vice, the Saudis have the means to eliminate it. Call it the Oscar Wilde principle. Questioned about state sanctioned polygamy before a UN commission on women’s rights last week, the Saudi delegation had the force of inexorable logic behind it. Men, the Saudis maintain, have a roving eye. Unless they confine their roving to their own households, they’ll commit adultery. Ergo, polygamy. We can easily imagine this principle extended to every other temptation known to man, though not of course to woman.
When George W. spent last week necking with the Saudi king, he knew what he was doing. Sure he’s a lame duck, and yes he’ll leave office with his reputation as the worst president in history intact. There’s no saving him – or is there? Suppose he were to cancel November’s presidential election, just like Rudy threatened to do in the New York mayoral contest of 2002. Further suppose he declares his fealty to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, crowns himself Prince George the W, and imposes Riyadh Rules the length and breadth of this great land.
Paradise regained, and George would go from worst to first in a hurry. As for Hillary, what damage could she possibly do in a birka?
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A NOTE TO READERS
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming. No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2008
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