The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
McCain is the Real McCoy
Monday, July 21st, 2008
The Nossiter Net is cast  to snare some of  the riper rascalities of the day.  Comments?  Send a letter to the editor.
When John McCain cracks jokes about a woman beaten and raped by an ape, and about killing Iranians with cigarettes, his partisans say it’s the Arizona senator demonstrating his authenticity. “McCain being McCain” they chorus approvingly. Maverick McCain rides again.

He harps on Czechoslovakia, which split into Slovakia and the Czech Republic fifteen years ago. He’s concerned about the Iraq-Pakistan border, which would indeed be a potential trouble spot if only it existed. He thinks Sunni Al Qaeda trains in Shiite Iran. Social security, the program that lifted tens of millions of elderly Americans out of penury, is “a disgrace.” His top economic advisor advises us to stop whining about economic woes that are all in our heads. Said advisor applied that brilliant analysis to his own firm, which could be why UBS shares are down 70% during his tenure.

McCain is sui generis and he’s just getting warmed up. His preferred mode of transport is the bus because in a boat or plane you run the risk of sailing right over the edge of our flat earth. He calls his wife a trollop and a cunt and still produces offspring with her because, as he’ll be the first to tell you, babies are delivered by stork. Hence his belief that it’s perfectly sensible for insurance companies to pay for Viagra but not for contraceptives.

Maverick McCain believes the moon is indeed made of green cheese, which is why the cow, scorning such unnatural stuff,  jumped over it. Those gay marriages that so bother him? If we simply refrain from clapping our hands, all fairies will cease to exist. And when Bush jokes that he doesn’t have a magic wand to make our troubles disappear, he speaks for himself. McCain plans to make good use of his own wand. That’s how he’s going to close the budget deficit, end the Iraq war, solve the energy crisis, and get elected president. It’s either that or wishing upon a star, a technique about which McCain has his doubts. After all everyone knows the sun is a star that merely revolves around the earth, so how effective can wishing upon it really be?
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2008


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A NOTE TO READERS ***Update***
Another three week plus hiatus, from April 30th until May 23rd, again due to Yahoo Geocities dismal service.

There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks.  The reason:  tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period.  At one point, they even managed to lose all the files.  In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming.  No one seemed able to fix the problem.  Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March.  A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called.  He had my letter before him.  Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day.  That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.

The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.

                              




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