|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
|Memoirs of Bush
Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? Send a letter to the editor.|
|In London the other day President Bush remarked that he intended to write his memoirs. He promises to include all the highlights of his life to date. His mischievous youth torturing small animals and insects in Texas. His glorious cheerleading days at Andover. The fun he had going AWOL in the national guard. The heroic struggle to get through Yale and Harvard with passing grades. The heavy drinking, the failed businesses, Jesus, redemption, the highest office in the land, surviving a deadly pretzel. The self-reported highlight of his tenure in office: catching a large fish in the Crawford estate lake. This is the stuff of epic, a certain bestseller and instant classic.
Still, a few questions arise. Despite being the product of three of our leading academies, Mr. Bush has trouble writing a shopping list. A narrative hundreds of pages long is far beyond his compositional powers. A ghost writer will be required; to make the Bush memoirs wholesome family reading, one with considerable talent in the fiction line is preferred. The president was disappointed to learn that Dr. Seuss is no longer available. He does intend to approach Tom Clancy and Danielle Steele, his other two favorite authors.
Then there’s the problem of a title. The president’s first choices, The Idiot, A Confederacy of Dunces, Ship of Fools, have all been taken. Ditto My Pet Goat, a solid second choice. Donald Rumsfeld, perhaps thinking of the eventual movie rights, proposed Dr. Strangelove. Dick Cheney in similar vein suggested The Creature From the Black Lagoon. Mr. Bush had to explain that his memoirs were all about him, not them.
By his own admission Mr. Bush has read at least “three Shakespeares.” This led him to consider such possibilities as Titus Ambushicus, Macgeorge, and Busheo and Dickiette. These he rejected as a little obscure and faintly elitist, out of line with his brush-clearing cowboy persona. His current pick is The Oval Office for Dummies. It’s a serviceable title for the presidential memoirs, but perhaps not inspired. Better suggestions are welcome; click the letter to the editor link above or send them to whitehouse.gov.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2008
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A NOTE TO READERS ***Update***
Another three week plus hiatus, from April 30th until May 23rd, again due to Yahoo Geocities dismal service.
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming. No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.
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|How McCain Can Win|
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|VOL. IV, No. 33|