The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
The Killer Donkeys
Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
The Nossiter Net is cast  to snare some of  the riper rascalities of the day.  Comments?
A win for the Democrats is a win for mass-murderers, President Bush is telling anyone who’ll listen --  mostly hand-picked adulatory mobs in Republican safe havens. The corollary:  vote Republican for final victory over the terrorists.  This is an entirely faith-based claim, since the administration has a perfect record of failure in the war on terror (see Reprobatelicans.) The fact-based community has different ideas about how to gain the upper-hand over those who wish us ill.

For one thing, we need to stop supplying arms to terrorists. 
The New York Times reports the Pentagon has been distributing hundreds of thousands of weapons to Iraqis, with few questions asked and no means of tracing where the weapons go.* Most are probably for sale on the black market, where the very people who killed over a hundred U.S. troops in October can buy them at bargain prices.  Fact-based types wondering why the administration is helping to arm our enemies merely betray their inability to grasp Bushman reality. The administration policy has always been to establish an American style democracy in Iraq.  In our system, the right to bear arms is God-given, at least for  the faith-based.  So it would be morally wrong, as well as un-American, to deny the Iraqis their guns.  As the NRA never tires of pointing out, guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  If our troops are being murdered by U.S. taxpayer supplied guns, it’s not the guns’ fault.

Also, we have to improve our public relations skills.  Vice President Cheney told a radio interviewer the other day that dunking captured terrorist suspects in water was a “no brainer.”  This ringing endorsement of torture played badly in the rest of the world.  It confirmed what many in the global village already thought:  the U.S. has become a lawless rogue state whose leaders are violent and reckless thugs.  The whole controversy could have been avoided with a different choice of words.  Had the vice president responded by saying that “bathing” prisoners in water is a no brainer, he would have come off as a humanitarian hero.

And how about taking our cue from smarter nations, like the Chinese?  Angered by client state North Korea’s claims that it tested a nuclear weapon, the Chinese insisted the North Koreans return to the negotiating table.  But President Hu didn’t go on TV to denounce the axis of evil, or the evil empire, or Koreo-communo-fascism, which would have been the Bush approach. The Chinese simply cut off their shipments of subsidized oil to North Korea, thereby commanding instant obedience.  We don’t have quite the same leverage over Al Qaeda, but Laurence Wright’s
The Looming Tower does suggest one possible approach.  Wright says that Al Qaeda fighters pump themselves up by watching Hollywood action movies at night.  Arnold Schwarzenegger films are their favorites.  So let’s ban those action films, keep Arnold under house arrest for the duration, and ship Al Qaeda calming family fare like Bambi, or President Bush’s own favorite, the eponymous Dumbo

Finally, the very nature of Bushman reality needs to be examined.  The U.S. Central Command has prepared an arresting color-coded chart showing that Iraq is teetering on the brink of chaos, if it isn’t there already.**  One hundred and three U.S. troops were killed in October.  Even conservative supporters of the war like Richard “the prince of darkness” Perle are acknowledging that we are mired in a costly and bloody quagmire with no end, and to no purpose.  And yet the President says we’re “winning” in Iraq.  Recalling his “heckuva job, Brownie” endorsement amidst the devastation wrought by Katrina and Michael Brown’s FEMA, Mr. Bush says the war’s architects, Cheney and Rumsfeld, are doing a “fantastic job.”

Will the nation truly be safer with Cheney and Rumsfeld at their posts, while their boss blames the Democrats for being terrorist fellow travelers and anti-patriotic troop haters, if not terrorists themselves?  Whatever the answer to that question, this is our policy for the next two years.  The faith-based started saying their prayers long ago.  Maybe it’s time the rest of us followed suit.


©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2006
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