|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
|He's Got Them on the List
Thursday, November 24th, 2005
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? firstname.lastname@example.org|
|News Item: LONDON, Nov. 22 -- President Bush expressed interest in bombing the headquarters of the Arabic television network al-Jazeera during a White House conversation with Prime Minister Tony Blair in April 2004, a British newspaper reported Tuesday – Washington Post.*
Mind you, the British newspaper in question is the Daily Mirror, filled with headlines like “I Paid for My Daughter’s Boob Job”, and whose investigative reporting uncovered the important truth that women spend a cumulative two years of their lives “getting ready to go out.” Because the Mirror is what it is, the rest of the story was omitted. For President Bush, bombing al-Jazeera HQ in Quatar is just a start. With the help of Kenneth Tomlinson, fired from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting because he engaged a consultant to count how many liberals Bill Moyers plays host to, Mr. Bush has developed an extensive target list for future bombing raids.
Institutions with bull’s eyes stamped on their front doors include such obvious marks as The New York Times and The Washington Post, both scheduled to be bombed back to the stone age (as if they were not there already.) But the objects of the presidential ire are not confined to such public critics as the nation’s leading newspapers or Arab news networks. Mr. Bush is a man who never forgets, or forgives. Picking up where the Daily Mirror left off, here are the other targets Mr. Bush plans to blow to smithereens:
Brent Scowcroft, President Bush I’s national security advisor, has been a frequent critic of President Bush II’s Iraq policy. Last month, in a New Yorker interview, Mr. Scowcroft reiterated his sharp critique of the invasion and occupation, stressing the terrible damage the President’s policies are doing to our relations with the rest of the world.** It will take a smart bomb to flatten the Scowcroft residence without destroying the neighborhood, but Brent is on the list.
Dick Cheney and Karl Rove have been the President’s closest advisors throughout his term in office. Even Mr. Bush has become aware that Vice-President Cheney’s relentless insistence on invading Iraq, his appalling misjudgment that the Iraqis would greet our troops with flowers and candy, and his claim that the Iraqi insurgency was in its last throes, have damaged his presidency. Mr. Rove’s outing of CIA agent Valerie Wilson, meanwhile, has further undermined Mr. Bush’s rule. Rove and Cheney are on the list.
Fired FEMA Director Michael ‘heck of a job Brownie’ Brown single-handedly exposed the willful and cynical incompetence of the administration’s cronyocracy. His catastrophic fumbling of the succor of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina helped bring the President to new lows in opinion polls. Brownie is on the list.
Bunnatine Greenhouse, the Corps of Engineers chief contracting officer who exposed masssive fraud in Halliburton’s Iraq rebuilding contracts, and who has been rewarded for her courage and hard work with a demotion, is on the list. Colonel Larry Wilkerson, Colin Powell’s top aide at State, who blew the lid off the sinister White House cabal that got us into Iraq in the first place, is on the list.
But Mr. Bush is an equal opportunity bomber, whose ire extends beyond the high and mighty. Humbler targets on his list include:
Bob’s Diner, Crawford, Texas. Time and again, Mr. Bush has stepped into Bob’s Diner for hot coffee and chilled apple pie. Bob, whose good intentions outweigh his culinary skills, persists in serving luke-warm coffee and warm pie. Mr. Bush finds this very irritating, particularly after his morning bike ride. Bob is on the list.
Jimmy, the resident White House shoeshine boy, failed to remove a scuff mark from the Presidential cowboy boots last week. Jimmy joins the list too, just as soon as Mr. Bush figures out a way to target him without blowing up his own home.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2005
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