The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
The Universal Law of Politics
Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
Reading the news these days you'd think that politics
was an awfully complex business. House bills and
Senate bills, reconciliations and filibusters, amendments,
White House pressure, signing statements, committee
votes and floor votes, pro tem and ex officio – as
Lenny Bruce used to say, "yada yada". Keen students
continue to read Locke and Rawls, Montesquieu and
Dworkin, Burke and Smith and Rousseau and the rest
of the gang, searching for information and
enlightenment on this seemingly intractable subject.
In truth, nothing is simpler than politics. The entire field
boils down to a single infallible and universally
applicable rule. A first iteration was articulated by that
underrated philosopher, lyricist Bert Kalmar, as
interpreted by Groucho Marx in the 1932 classic, Horse
I don't know what they have to say,
It makes no difference anyway --
Whatever it is, I'm against it!
No matter what it is or who commenced it,
I'm against it.
Today this doctrine has been refined by Kalmar-Marx
disciples and distilled to the one and only law of politics:
Whatever they're for, be against it. The derivation is
inexorably logical. Until proven otherwise, their interests
are not yours. More than likely, their interests are in
opposition to yours. Therefore, whatever they're for, be
The practical applications of the Kalmarxian universal
law are infinite. So much so that some indeed have tried
to hijack it, postulating that, for example, the GOP
opposition to health care reform is an example of
"whatever it is, I'm against it". This attempt to obscure
the law's true application to the issue is deeply cynical
and easily refuted. Instead, the correct Kalmarxian
analysis of the health care reform debate would proceed
Insurance and pharmaceutical companies seek only
profits for themselves.
They can only profit at your expense.
They favor perpetuating the health care status quo, so
The relevance of the universal law is obvious for every
pressing issue. The oil and coal industries and
environmental reform. Big banking and bank regulatory
reform. Defense contractors, the Pentagon, and military
spending reform. The educational establishment and
education reform. There are hundreds more.
Application of the universal law permits us to see
through the behavior of the so-called centrist Democrats
in determined opposition to health care reform. There is
much hand-wringing over this. How can they oppose
the interests of their own constituents, their own party,
and their own president by sabotaging the
administration's program? Easily. They are merely
proxies for the preservers of the status quo, the paid
minions of big insurance and big pharma. Their interests
are their interests and not yours. Therefore – but you
know what to do.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2009
* * * * *
A NOTE TO READERS ***Update***
Another three week plus hiatus, from April 30th until May 23rd, again
due to Yahoo Geocities dismal service.
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and
April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage.
Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire
period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many
discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming.
No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of
Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and
CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone
since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer
named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t
do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That
was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo
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