|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
Thursday, September 26, 2007
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? email@example.com|
|A round-up of splendid ideas from your elected and appointed officials in Washington:
Inspired by the old division of airplane cabins into smoking and non-smoking sections, our representatives in Congress are considering the Family Friendly Flight Act. The bill would require airlines to create sections of the cabin where children can be sheltered from the harmful effects of in-flight movies. Considering the entertainment value of the average modern movie, this is an excellent plan. Indeed it should be expanded to include adults, to prevent their accidental exposure to screen imbecilities.
The bill could be amended to protect air travelers from other harmful influences besides bad movies. Special cabins might be created to protect passengers from loud and inane conversationalists, the obese, neighbors who turn up their headphone volume too loud, and travelers wearing tattoos, Bermuda shorts, flip flops, or sleeveless shirts. How about a section of the cabin where noisome airplane and airport food is disallowed? Where annoying and unpleasant stewards and stewardesses are excluded? Where unintelligible announcements from the flight deck are banned? The possibilities are endless. This page urges readers to write your congressperson with your own amendments to the Family Friendly Flight Act.
Although flush with hundreds of billions of dollars in extra profits, the fallout from the president’s war in the Middle East, the oil industry has been shirking its lease payments to the federal government. A major source of government revenue is going uncollected by the Interior Department. This, according to officials of the department’s Minerals Management Service, is to spare the oil companies undue “hardship.”
Such a humane attitude on the part of Minerals Management might well be extended to other branches of the government. If the IRS considered the hardship it imposes on the average citizen, there’d be no more collection of income tax. If the US Postal Service was a little more thoughtful, the hardship of standing in line to buy stamps or mail packages would be eliminated by the simple expedient of abolishing postage. Over at the Pentagon, if the generals in charge spared a thought for the hardships being experienced by their inferiors in Iraq, US troops there would be home tomorrow.
Although he’s a former official and not in Washington, at least not yet, GOP hopeful Rudy Giuliani’s latest fund raising idea deserves attention. Donors invited to a get together with America’s Mayor are being asked for $9.11 in contributions. This principle has the potential for broad application. Patriotic restaurants could charge $7.04 for their signature dish. Devout Christians, or at least fans of Saint Nick, might put $12.25 in the collection plate. Mitt Romney could take his campaign contributions in golden tablets, or magic spectacles. Or concubines. Hilary Clinton’s might take the form of blue dresses, preferably pre-stained.
As for those taxes the IRS will no longer be collecting, we could all make a voluntary donation of $1.01 to the federal government instead. There is no better way to commemorate a bright new dawn in which airline travel annoyances are banished, political contributions are made in kind, and we all share the same rights and privileges enjoyed by the oil industry.
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A NOTE TO READERS
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming. No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2007
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|Vive La Différence|
|Through the Looking Glass|
|Sermons in Stones|
|Party Of God|
|Don't Even Think About It|
|A Recipe for BBQ|
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|VOL. III, No. 26|