The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
The Palin Worldview
Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008
The Nossiter Net is cast  to snare some of  the riper rascalities of the day.  Comments?  Send a letter to the editor.
Sure it's a nightmare, but it could still happen. McCain-Palin win, McCain shuffles off his mortal coil, and the leader of the free world is… Sarah Palin. Judging by her performance so far she'd need nonstop foreign policy briefings just to get up to one eighth speed. And although the mind boggles, naturally she'd turn first to her predecessor's eight years of accumulated wisdom.

Sar? W here. You want to talk foreign with me? Okey, here goes. First off, the people who live in Greece ain't Grecians. They caught me on that one early in my presidency. Yeah, still sounds funny to me too. Me, president. Funny old world, ain't it? You do sorta get used to it. Sorta. Whatsat? Geeks did you say? No, they ain't Geeks neither. Whoah boy, we better take this kinda slow. Just what do you know, for starters?

This is sure nice of you, George. I know you got lotsa better things to do than talk to little old me. You betcha. What I know about foreign policy. Let's see. I know the capital of Paris is the Eiffel Towel. And those Frenchies got busy hands, also. And that the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plane. They sure must have leaky airplanes over there! In Switzerland they wear funny hats with feathers and make chocolate and watches. And cowbells. In England they drive on the wrong side of the road. The capital of London is  Big Ben. Funny name for a capital. In Italy they put little baskets around their wine bottles and they like red-checked table clothes, also. There's this leaning tower of Pizza. I always wondered how they keep it hot? The Germans eat saurkraut and sausages and drink beer out of big pitchers called stains. The capital of Germany? Let me get back to you on that one.

Africa is a very big country but their roads aren't so hot so they don't have enough cars. That's why they're always swinging from vines and hollering when they need to go places. And you can't drink the water because it has crocodiles in it. The capital of Africa is Tarzana. In Australia they get dizzy from walking upside down and when you flush the toilet the water swirls in the opposite direction from ours. Betcha didn't know that.  In China they make a lot of stuff we buy, like DVD players, only most of it doesn't work. The Indians like their food real spicy and the capital is the Taj – something. They wear turbans, also. The Middle East is full of terrorists who hate us for our freedom but we need them for their oil. And our ally Israel, also. Because if you forget to mention that you lose elections. How'm I doing so far?

Hmm. Sar? Lemme get back to you on that one.


©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2008


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A NOTE TO READERS ***Update***
Another three week plus hiatus, from April 30th until May 23rd, again due to Yahoo Geocities dismal service.

There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks.  The reason:  tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period.  At one point, they even managed to lose all the files.  In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming.  No one seemed able to fix the problem.  Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March.  A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called.  He had my letter before him.  Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day.  That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.

The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.

                              




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A Sarah Palin Bestiary
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