|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
|McCain: I Am NOT Your Friend!
Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? Send a letter to the editor.|
|Hey McCain! Yes, you one! Turn on your hearing aid and listen up because I'm only going to say this once: I am NOT your friend. Not. Your. Friend. Never have been, never will be. So don't include me when you next address "my friends" for the ten thousandth time. Count me out of that group for ever. If you tried to 'friend' me on Facebook I'd refuse. Send me a birthday card and I'd tear it up. Buy me a beer and I'd dump it out. I. Am. Not. Your. Friend. Not now, not ever, no how, no way, no ifs, ands, or buts.
Maybe the problem is that you don't have any real friends. You know, people who know you well and like you because of it? That's not too surprising considering what a prune faced bad-tempered doddering old bore you are. No wonder Cindy always looks like she just swallowed a lemon, whole. Tooling around with you must be like trailing after a vicious ancient lap dog who snaps at anyone passing and would bite too, if it had any teeth left. Oh sure, I know Joe Lieberman and Phil Graham count themselves your buds. But I'm talking about human friends, not rats or weasels. Or pond scum.
But your being friendless is no reason to co-opt me. I'm totally indiscriminate about whom I befriend. Old, young, male, female, all sizes, colors, creeds. But I do draw the line at black-hearted antique reprobates out of whose mouth every word is a nasty lie including "and" and "the". Besides which, the only time I was ever addressed me as "my friend" before was by a broker trying to sell me penny stocks. And that was in the days before all stocks were penny stocks. I didn't buy then because I knew what I was being sold and I'm not buying now for the exact same reason.
Come to think of it comparing you to a penny stock broker is insulting to penny stock brokers. None I've ever heard of wants to bomb Iran. Or wage a hundred year war in Iraq. Or annihilate North Korea. Or fight Russia over Georgia. Georgia for pete's sakes. Penny stock brokers may be crooks but they don't want to kill anyone. That would be bad for business. Plus most of them have some rudimentary understanding of economics, a necessary tool of their trade. Whereas you just want slaughter and more slaughter, while your economics are confined to the imbecile Republican dogma of tax cuts for the rich and deregulation for industry. Yeah, the very same doctrinaire lunacy that has brought the world to its knees.
So here's a suggestion. If you want a pal, try that witch doctor Sarah Palin hired to exorcise (or was it circumcise?) her. Maybe he can drive out your demons, make you fit to associate with human beings. Though I doubt it. If he'd been any good, Palin would have melted after one treatment. Or give old Vikki Iseman a call. She might expect a few favors for her lobbying clients in return for her favors, but you're used to that. But I really don't give a damn who you chum up with -- just so long as it isn't me.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2008
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A NOTE TO READERS ***Update***
Another three week plus hiatus, from April 30th until May 23rd, again due to Yahoo Geocities dismal service.
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming. No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.
|The Instant Poet|
|Benefits of Financial Failure|
|Palin Ready On Day One|
|A Sarah Palin Bestiary|
|GOP Family Fun|
|The Secret Behind Sarah|
|Rich vs. Famous|
|McCain: Man of the Moment|
|Dear New York Times|
|Now a Member of the Worldwide Communities of Blogs at Blogwise.com|
|VOL. IV, No. 58|