|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
Saturday, August 2nd,
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? Send a letter to the editor.|
|Friday, August 1, 2008
This is so exciting. You know how I'm learning to computer? Well I found this interweb page devoted to Geritol! You can order it right there and I would have except I couldn't remember where I left my credit card. It's very helpful because the other day it was time for my dose and the bottle was empty. Cindy-pills offered to share hers but I just can't trust that bitch. I mean, she'll put anything in a bottle and drink it. I couldn't call my assistant to get me more because I forgot his phone number. I wonder: can you order Depends on the interweb?
Remember how I reversed my position on offshore oil drilling and right away collected like almost a million dollars from the oil industry? And how my call to stay in Iraq indefinitely and bomb Iran brought me a packet from the defense industry? This has given me lots of good ideas. I'm going to call for mining in the national parks, the abolition of EPA and OSHA and the SEC, lower water and air quality standards, and the elimination of banking regulations, CAFE, and all other harmful restrictions on capitalism. Gonna have to hire more accountants just to keep my deposit register up to date!
Must take ol' John Edwards aside and give him some advice. Like, if you're romping with your wench, don't do it in the dead of night at some fancy hotel. Broad daylight is better, trust me on that. The press is too hungover to care, and your wife's out shopping. As I always tell the Vikster, it's better in the light of day. Besides, it's not like I can stay up much past 6:30 anyway.
John Sidney McCain, III
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Call me a senior, but boy do I have game. Mr. Uppity just doesn't know what hit him. Two days in a row on the front page of the NY Times, showcasing my 'Osama plays the race card' theme. Lovely stuff, like a garbage disposal running in reverse. No questioning of my gutter tactics. No discussion of the truth of Mr. U's complaint that we're scaring people with his skin color, funny name, funny upbringing, potential for proximity to panty-less blondes (duh, duh, duh!). Just a straightforward repetition of Osama plays the race card. A pious analysis of how it's affecting his campaign! I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Even though I did. I love playing these press clowns. My base? My ass.
Those press pricks are always carping about dumb politicians. Hello! How 'bout a game of spot the real dummy? We Repubs have been exploiting race fear for thirty years. Nixon's southern strategy. Reagan's states rights and welfare queens. Bush I's Willie Horton. Bush II's assault on human capital programs and income equality. Haven't they noticed!? All it's done for us is a total of four out of six presidencies, three of them two term. And they say I'm not a true Repub! Just upholding GOP traditions, that's me.
No wonder those Urban Leaguers skewered me yesterday. Sweated bullets, diary. Couldn't wait to change my shirt (Savile Row, of course!). But I didn't budge, not on affirmative action, not on any of those issues precious to their little impoverished self-righteous selves. And why should I? Not one of 'em's going to vote for me anyway. Or send a penny to my campaign. Memo to self: quit wasting time addressing worthless shiftless poor folk.
John Sidney McCain, III.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2008
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A NOTE TO READERS ***Update***
Another three week plus hiatus, from April 30th until May 23rd, again due to Yahoo Geocities dismal service.
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming. No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.
|The Instant Poet|
|McCain's Diary: Part 1|
|A Real McShame|
|Right Lies, All Lies|
|McCain: Intelligence Failure|
|McCain is the Real McCoy|
|The Surge Myth|
|Bush Bests Lincoln|
|Now a Member of the Worldwide Communities of Blogs at Blogwise.com|
|VOL. IV, No. 43|