|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
Monday, May 14th, 2007
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? firstname.lastname@example.org|
|The Democrats are defying Mr. Bush on the U.S. occupation of the Iraq civil war zone, and attacking the administration on the shameless politicizing and crony-izing of the DOJ, the GSA, and every other arm of government. But the Republicans have a secret weapon, which the Democrats ignore at their peril. They may have hit a rough patch on their road to a perpetual right-wing government, but the Republican sense of humor is as vigorous, and as dangerous to everybody else, as ever.
As modern civilization continues to spew pollutants into the waters and atmosphere of earth, as the polar bears drown, bees vanish, and frogs perish by the millions, with ever rising coastal waters, ever more violent hurricanes, and rapidly vanishing snows, Senator James Inhofe just keeps on smiling. The Repub from Oklahoma says it’s all a hoax. A joke. His views have nothing to do with the fact that he represents a state heavily dependant on the oil industry.
John McCain, (R-Az.), speaking on Bill “Book of Virtues” Bennett’s radio program, told that exponent of obesity and notorious gambling addict “there are neighborhoods in Baghdad where you and I could walk through those neighborhoods today. The U.S. is beginning to succeed in Iraq." CNN and CBS Baghdad correspondents Michael Ware and Alan Pizzey immediately weighed in, telling viewers that McCain was not strictly accurate in his assessment of the situation in Mesopotamia.* The correspondents encouraged McCain to take his stroll, however, offering him a camera to record the experience.
But McCain wasn’t serious. He knows that one hundred people died in Iraq in one day, on March 29th. He understands that the life expectancy for an unguarded U.S. Senator on the streets of any Iraqi city south of the Kurdish Autonomous Region is approximately no time at all. Maybe the correspondents didn’t get the joke because when they travel around Iraq, they’re not accompanied by one hundred U.S. combat troops and a squadron of helicopter gun ships. That was McCain’s escort on his recent tour of a Baghdad market.
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales told lawmakers he had nothing to do with the firing of at least nine (and counting) U.S. prosecutors for failing to be “loyal Bushies,” as his former chief of staff, Kyle Sampson, put it in an email. Sampson then contradicted his ex boss in sworn testimony to Congress, saying he’d discussed the matter with Gonzales many times. The joke here is that the Attorney General will probably lose his job over the scandal. And that’s very funny, in a humorously Republican kind of way. He should have lost his job, not to say his freedom, long before. This was after all the man who supervised the legal justification for the administration’s policy of torture and domestic spying.
Funniest of all is Orrin Hatch, who hankers after Gonzales’ job, should the latter lose it. The Utah ‘publican, who once declared Democrats the party of homosexuals, the staunch defender of lawbreaker Oliver North, has fought relentlessly for the administration’s slate of extremist anti-gay and anti-abortion judges. Hatch, a bishop in the Mormon church, accused the party of Ted Kennedy of being anti-Catholic bigots during the battle over one such judge.** Of course Hatch calling Kennedy a bigot is not really very funny, unless you laugh at pots calling kettles black. But until 1978 the doctrine of Hatch’s own church held that dark skin is a kind of curse.
When Hatch ran for the Republican nomination in 2000, he got only one percent of the vote in the Iowa caucus. An indication that there’s hope for the Republicans yet? Except that the 2000 nominee was George W. Bush, a man who as governor of Texas used to humorously mock death row inmates facing imminent execution. With U.S. casualty rates up by a third since his troop escalation, did you see today’s photo of the president grinning sunnily at the Jamestown quadra-centennial? Here’s someone who’s done his level best to make the Republican sense of humor a literally lethal weapon.
Such humorists, those Republicans. They just split their sides laughing over the fact that their jokes are always on us.
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A NOTE TO READERS
There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, nearly eight weeks. The reason: tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period. At one point, they even managed to lose all the files. In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming. No one seemed able to fix the problem. Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March. A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called. He had my letter before him. Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day. That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.
The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2007
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