The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
Benefits of Financial Failure
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
The Nossiter Net is cast  to snare some of  the riper rascalities of the day.  Comments?  Send a letter to the editor.
The collapse of the financial system no doubt has its unpleasant side, but the many genuine benefits should not be overlooked.

The end of illegal immigration, for one. Would-be immigrants will peer across the border, note the absence of jobs, and turn around. The twelve million or so undocumented immigrants already here will go home in droves. True there will be just as few jobs waiting for them south of the border, but at least the weather is warmer.

Traffic jams? Ancient history. As the credit freeze brings economic activity to a halt, there will be no goods to truck and no shoppers to drive to the mall to buy them. Commuters will refrain from going to jobs that no longer exist and stay home to mow the lawn – with a scythe. Anyone who can still afford to run a car will find nothing but empty roads stretching as far as the eye can see.

Which leads to other benefits. Global warming will slow and, if things get bad enough, halt altogether. The air in Los Angeles will be fresh and clear, the New Jersey turnpike will smell like a rose, and the dead lake by Sarah Palin's house in Wasilla may come back to life. Polar bears will have ice to slide on, and Al Gore will have to reinvent himself again.

The obesity epidemic will cure itself. With incomes diminished to nearly nothing, over-eating will be impossible. If people have anywhere to go, they'll have to walk or bike and thereby get healthful exercise. Public transportation? It'll disappear. Unable to issue debt to fund operations, municipalities will have to shut down their bus and train systems. And as the population becomes lean again, associated epidemics such as diabetes, heart disease, and certain types of cancer will similarly go away. That'll clear up the health care crisis, since few apart from Dick Cheney will still need medical attention.

What with the millions of foreclosures, the homeless problem will be gone for good. Emptied of their former occupants, their titles held by bankrupt banks, perfectly good housing around the country will be ripe for squatting. And if John and Cindy McCain don't like their new, formerly street dwelling neighbors, they can always move to another of their many homes.

Speaking of whom, when was the last time you heard McCain sing "bomb, bomb, bomb Iran"? The newly impoverished USA not only can't afford to take on any new wars, it'll have to wrap up all the ones Bush has in progress. The troops will come back from Iraq and Afghanistan, and if what they find at home makes them nostalgic for their former posts, they can always turn around and sign up for the jihad.

Except for the fact that the jihad will have to end. With nobody buying oil, the Saudis won't be able to bankroll Bin Ladin and company any more. The terrorists will have to put down their IEDs and find some other occupation. Farming maybe, or if Todd Palin has his way and Alaska secedes, careers in the Alaskan National Guard.

So cheer up America. Our country might be under a very black cloud, but just count up all the silver linings.

©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2008

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A NOTE TO READERS ***Update***
Another three week plus hiatus, from April 30th until May 23rd, again due to Yahoo Geocities dismal service.

There was nothing new at The Nossiter Net between March 3rd and April 26th, 2007, nearly eight weeks.  The reason:  tech sabotage. Yahoo Geocities, the host for this site, denied access for the entire period.  At one point, they even managed to lose all the files.  In many discussions with Yahoo staff, no clear explanation was forthcoming.  No one seemed able to fix the problem.  Ruling out the possibility of Dubbya’s revenge, I finally wrote to Mr. Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo! Inc and described the ordeal the page had undergone since the beginning of March.  A week later, a helpful Yahooo engineer named Jason called.  He had my letter before him.  Though he couldn’t do the repairs on on the spot, he promised a fix by the next day.  That was April 26th, nearly two months after shutting me down in the first place.

The Nossiter Net apologizes, which is more than I can say for Yahoo Geocities.


Dubbya's Diry
The Instant Poet
Last Words
Misunderestimated Republicans
Palin Ready On Day One
A Sarah Palin Bestiary
GOP Family Fun
The Secret Behind Sarah
Rich vs. Famous
McCain: Man of the Moment
Dear New York Times
Jerome R. Corsi: The Dis-Corsi Code
Bush's Gift to the World
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VOL. IV, No. 56