|The Nossiter Net
The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
|When Inmates Run the Asylum
Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
|The Nossiter Net is cast to snare some of the riper rascalities of the day. Comments? firstname.lastname@example.org|
|The evidence just keeps piling up:
This nation was attacked four years ago by Al Qaeda terrorists based in Afghanistan, so the Republicans ordered an invasion of Iraq. This was because the Iraqis had links to Al Qaeda that didn’t exist and were threatening us with weapons of mass destruction they didn’t have.
Thanks to the Republican occupation of Iraq, that nation, formerly the enemy of our enemies Iran and Al Qaeda, now harbors the latter and is poised to become an ally of the former.
The Republicans vowed to capture Al Qaeda’s leader dead or alive. Their expenditure of tens of billions of dollars and thousands of lives has so far captured Iraq’s leader.
The Republicans are spying on PETA, Greenpeace, and the Catholic Workers League. They believe that working Catholic animal loving environmentalists pose an imminent threat to the nation’s security.
The nation continues to fall behind other advanced countries in every measure of educational achievement, and the Republicans have just voted to slash funding for student loans and grants.
The Republicans pledged to restore honor, dignity, and honesty to Washington. Their House Majority Leader resigned his post in disgrace, their Senate Majority Leader is under investigation for insider trading, their Vice Presidential Chief of Staff resigned in disgrace, their Chief White House procurement official was arrested, their Congressman from San Diego resigned in disgrace, their principal political operative and White House Deputy Chief of Staff faces possible indictment, and their favorite lobbyist, Jack Abramoff, now under arrest, is about to rat on those remaining Republicans who still walk free.
The Republican Senator from Alaska claims to be “clinically depressed” because his colleagues won’t let him drill for oil in a national park.
Since becoming Speaker of the House in 1999, Republican Dennis Hastert, an advocate of small government and fiscal discipline, has shipped $24 million of federal money to his birthplace, Aurora, Ill. He and his Republican Congressional colleagues, meanwhile, are responsible for the largest budget and foreign trade deficits in history.
Despite consensus in the world scientific community on the clear and present danger of greenhouse gases and consequent global warming, the Republicans continue to oppose all effective environmental regulation and conservation measures.
Despite the dangerous economic and national security consequences of dependency on imported oil, the Republicans oppose all serious research into alternative and sustainable energy sources.
The Republican President pledged to rebuild the devastated Gulf Coast last September. The Gulf Coast remains devastated four months later.
Under the Republicans, poverty rates have risen, real wages have fallen, and unemployment has increased.
Although the Republicans have spent hundreds of thousand of dollars buying themselves favorable press on all these issues from complaisant journalists and think tank scholars, a majority of citizens do not approve of the way they are running the nation, proving that money can’t buy you love.
We gave the Republicans too much credit for being merely incompetent, venal, and mendacious, when all the evidence points to the fact that they are criminally insane.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2005
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