The net that shall enmesh them all
Edited, Written, and Published by Josh Nossiter
Friday, January 13th, 2006
Answer: 1. Any windy verbiage unrelated to the question; 2. An attack on the motives, honesty, or patriotism of the questioner.
Benefits: 1. (government transfer payments to the poor) A heedless waste of tax money; 2. (government transfer payments to the rich) Sound economic policy (see fiscal responsibility.)
Constitution: 1. 18C U.S. document frequently invoked by name whose actual contents are discounted, distorted, or ignored; 2. 18C U.S. document used to justify 21C Republican polices whenever plausible (rare).
Dignified: Any proceeding in which Republicans get their way unopposed.
Expensive: School lunch programs, universal medical insurance, public education, subsidized housing (see Benefits 1.)
Frugality: Billion dollar stealth destroyers, tax cuts for the rich, corporate welfare, manned mission to Mars.
Gerrymander: Depriving any electoral district of a Republican majority. After Elbridge Gerry, Republican Governor of Massachusetts in 1812, who arranged matters rather differently.
Hindmost: Taken by the devil; see Democrat
Irresponsible: 1. Criticism of Republican policies; 2. Exposure of Republican law-breaking, espec. relating to domestic spying, defense contracts, energy policy.
Joke: That which is on the voters during a Republican administration.
Kleptocracy: 1. System of government in which officials help others by helping themselves first; 2. A Republican administration.
Loser: 1. Voters for the Democratic party during an election; 2. All voters during a Republican administration.
Morality: Any system of beliefs or code of behavior that includes regular attendance at church and Republican fund raisers.
Numbness: 1. Loss of sensation due to excessive exposure to Republican speechmaking; 2. The mental condition of an electorate after a term of Republican rule.
Ovulate: Bodily function of which anti-choice Republicans are incapable. Syn: Erection
Pentagon: 1. Distribution center for Republican largesse; 2. Training facility for defense industry executives; 3. Five-sided figure associated with satanic rites (see Pentagram).
Quid pro quo: Foundation of the Republican system of governance (see Kleptocracy).
Republican: 1. A wealthy white male intent on feathering his nest; 2. Delusional non-wealthy-white-males with marked self-destructive tendencies.
Savings: Cuts in spending on public services.
Taxes: Transfer payments from the middle class to the wealthy.
Unbelievable: The two-term presidency of George W. Bush.
Veracity: Truth-telling (archaic).
W.: 1. A smirking, ignorant, incompetent, mendacious, malevolent buffoon; 2. The President of the United States.
Xiphoid: (anatomy) The bony lower end of the human sternum, in the ordinary citizen the principal target for the toe of the Republican boot.
Yale: A historic institution of higher learning which has graduated two successive Presidents Bush completely innocent of all thought, knowledge, or learning either lower or higher.
Zip: In round terms the return, both material and spiritual, which ordinary voters get from any period of Republican rule.
©Joshua C. Nossiter, 2006
